STELLA, Diary of a Mad Drag Queen

SHOULD I RUN FOR PRESIDENT??????

2011-08-19T19:57:00.001-07:00

During the last election I was going to support Mikey's bid for president but all he did was mess around with the secret service and Obama won. But now I'm thinking that it might be Stella's turn for several reasons. First off if Palin and Bachman have done it how hard could it possibly be? Plus there are all of those hot guys out there on the campaign trail. My heart will always belong to Luke Perry but that cowboy Perry looks like he might be a fun ride, if he can hold on for the whole ride, LOL. And I don't actually expect to win but Palin taught me that I could buy lots of new clothes with the campaign funding and shoes and bags of course. Plus, at the end of it all I can get some sweet book deals, hell even the witch who isn't a witch is out there now plugging her book (Christine O'Donnell-really, that nitwit can write??)

Of course I will have to help Mikey get his books published too so he doesn't come out with a tell all book. Not worried about my reputation mind you, but I would miss all of those blackmail payments that show up in the mail each month. SO, I'm thinking.........

THIS IS ONE FASHION THAT I DON'T LIKE

2010-07-27T12:21:00.000-07:00

Anyone who really knows Stella knows that she is an ASS MAN, I mean WOMAN, yeah Woman. This new style of wearing pants sagging is killing me and depriving me of the look of a nice butt here or there. But fear not, I have found a cure and maybe it will work for you also. First you must find a water pistol that looks real and fill it with half water and half vinegar (like you do when you are training a cat). Then walk down the sidewalk and especially watch for the ones holding their pants up with their hands. Squirt them in the face with the solution that will only sting and not hurt them and when their pants fall use your cell phone to snap a picture and email it to all of your friends, including me. Then run like hell. His pants are down so you have a head start. Your heart will be racing and the rush of it all will keep your heart pumping great for a couple of days. Maybe by doing this we can make them start wearing belts and we will have done our job to make America pretty once again. Also, Walmart is a fun place to do this and to collect other fashion sloppy pictures. Squirt them just for the hell of it.
Okay, back to working on my book.
Stella

DREAMING ABOUT LUKE PERRY AGAIN, WHEW

2010-02-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

Now that's the kind of dream that you just don't want to wake up from. As I've said before, I don't know if he is gay or not but for the purpose of dreams it doesn't matter. Last night were in that program "Jeremiah" it's one of those apocalyptic shows on the SYFY channel. I went blind but I still knew when he was around because I heard his voice. Having known him before I lost my sight I knew what he looked like so being with him again I could see him in my minds eye. But he wouldn't stop until he found a cure to restore my sight! My hero once again. The shame is that I woke up while thanking him and couldn't get back to sleep. To sleep perchance to...

Sometimes when I dream about him we are a team on several levels, I write movies for him or when he gets scripts from other people I'm there to help beef up his lines to give him a better shot at winning an Oscar. The dreams about him are the best for me, thinking maybe I knew him in another life or something because it sure as hell hasn't happened in this lifetime, yet.

A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE WITH STELLA DALLAS

2009-12-04T19:25:00.000-08:00

Well Dear Fans, I have to tell you that the slacker who promised NANO that he would write 50,000 words during the month of November and only wound up with 20,022. He has promised that he will continue to write until his novel about me is in pristine shape and that he will be able to tell the world about me and make tons of money for the two of us. Question? Is 1% actually a good thing for me? He assures me that it is fair since all I have to do is talk about myself and I love doing that so maybe he's right. But I need some new clothes and it cost money to cover this lovely body of mine. Working the streets with sequined knee pads isn't cheap and it's depleting my income but then again they do get me noticed on the streets. Do you have any idea at all how uncomfortable they are to kneel in, it was bad enough having to sit on them. Any way, he says that he was sick and what with the holidays coming up he may not get back to the book until after them. This coming from a person who says his favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" doesn't really sound like he has the spirit. But he did get a good start on the book, lordy did he ask a lot of questions. But it was fun dredging up the past and remembering all of the fun things I have been accused of doing, LOL.
Stella

A BOOK ABOUT ME???

2009-10-30T11:46:00.000-07:00

Michael S. Witherspoon is about to embark on a NANO writing project for the month of November and to attempt to write a novel in that month. The fun part is that he has chosen me to be the subject of this book. The interviews are completed and he has gathered lots of information from those who know me (or at least they think that they do) and is just waiting for the first of November to begin. Finally, the world may get to know me, not the total me of course, you have to be married to me to know all that goes on behind closed doors an alas he hasn't popped the question, yet. Perhaps he is just waiting until his book is a success and can afford to keep me in the manner that I have always wanted before asking. He has asked if I could travel with him on a book tour if and when it is published but I don't think he realized just how impossible that could be, but I promised that I would give it some thought.
Love ,
Stella

FOUND A NEW WAY TO GET DATES

2008-10-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

This won't work until after the elections are finalized but it might bring in a whole new batch of suitors for the old girl. I figure I will get dressed up in my finest rags and head out to the bars and just casually mention to the bartender (and those close enough to over hear) that I have two tickets to the inaugural balls in Washington, D.C. plus free round trip airfare and hotel accommodations. The line forms to the right. I mean who wouldn't want to join me for a trip like that. No, I don't really have all of those thing mentioned above but by the time they realize that I will be too tired to care and they will be also. Stella has hit a dry spell and needs the attention of gentlemen callers of the quality type.

If you are thinking that I'm being unfair and a bitch...Okay, you're right but is it any worse than the lies that are told in bars everywhere every night? "Of course I'll respect you in the morning", "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met", "My wife doesn't understand me and I'm going to divorce her and marry you" just to mention a few. Let me assure you, if he is cheating on his wife, he will cheat on you. Just enjoy being spoiled for awhile and don't take life so seriously. And actually 2 out of 3 of my lies can actually come true. We won't be going to Washington, but we can lay up in my bed and watch the affairs on television. But instead of buying a new ball gown I can just buy a new teddy (if they make them for the large Marge type girls that is). So, who's going to be the first to steal my idea?
Stella

IDLE TIME

2008-08-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

The last thing that you want to give a mad drag queen with a twisted sense of humor is idle time. I know because that's what happened to me yesterday and I went from drug store to drug store and department store to department store and played with all of the cosmetic samples that were on display. I have to tell you, the drug stores were the nicest and many of them knew drag queens so they weren't all that alarmed. But the department stores, especially the high end types were going crazy. All of these old broads, dripping in zircon trying to pass them off as diamonds and working as clerks were having conniption fits. "But you're a man, this if for women." was what I kept hearing. Then I explained that I wanted to get in touch with my feminine side and they were speechless and just let me play. No fun. So I started stopping other customers and asking their opinion. The clerks were contemplating calling security but not sure if they wanted to cause a scene and the customers, mostly women thought that it was cool that a man knew what they had to do to be beautiful and again just let me play while I was drawing a crowd. I got bored and left.

STELLA AND HER MEDICATIONS

2008-07-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

Hi, Mikey here subbing for Stella. I spoke to her earlier today, they let her out of the straight jacket long enough to call. It seems that Ms. Stella doesn't like to take her psych medications and some times get a little bit crazy, this was not one of those times. After being off of her pills for 4 days, she got out her best red dress, nylons, shoes, and pill box hat with the red veil and then checked the obituaries and started hitting the funerals pretending to be a relative (and I mean that in the loosest of terms). She actually made it to 3 of them before becoming arrested. It seems that the wife had some not-so-nice things to say to out Stella and being the royal bitch that Stella can be prompted to be (we all know that she is not normally like that) told the wife that she was so glad that she kept all of the instant pictures and the home movies that they had made from all of those hotel rooms. The woman went off the wall and started calling Stella a slew of nasty names and so she fought back the only way she knew how. She jumped up on the coffin and started screaming, "Come on Harry, one more time for old times sake". And that was when the police arrived. With any luck the family will understand about her medications but the wife will always wonder. Mikey

WHERE THE HELL IS MIKEY? I'LL TELL YOU

2008-05-31T14:02:00.000-07:00

He has been working on that stupid book of his. Like someone wants to read his short stories. What he should be doing is writing about my life, because if he doesn't I may just decide to write a book about his life. See, he thinks that when I'm sleeping I don't know what he's doing. Wrong buffalo breath. Not only do I know what he did but I also know all of the people that he did it with. Trust me when I tell you that he doesn't want that to happen and neither do they by the way. A girl could probably make enough off of that book to get a whole new wardrobe, shoes and all. You know I'm going to give that some serious thought. He's not doing anything for me right now, kind of ignoring the girl.

And since Mikey decided not to run for president I've decided to put my name in for consideration for vice president. Hell I know more about vice, vice cops and Washington, D.C. than most and wouldn't be better to have me where I can do the best work for my country, what with the dignitaries from other countries. Plus, you can keep a better eye on me if you know where I am. And if you need a congressman or senator to agree with you, well I have my own powers of persuasion if you get my drift.
Kisses to you all,
Stella

TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT PROTECTING IDENTITY

2008-04-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

You know you keep hearing about it on TV, reading about it in the paper and now it's coming into your email box. Honestly, if someone can get credit using my credentials just tell me how and I will give it to you. Here is a kicker for you, my credit sucks. It takes a lot of money to be "The Stella". Lots and lots of make-up, wigs, finger nails and do you have a clue as to what it cost for good eyelashes? Anyway, someone was stupid enough to try and use me, not like that kitten I like that, but tried to get credit in my name and using their address and phone number. Guess what, now my bill collectors are calling and harassing them and leaving me alone. So let this be a lesson to all of you out there too lazy to get of your dead asses and start making money the old fashion way, the bill collectors may be after you next if the law doesn't catch you first. Then again, maybe you will MEAT up with the man of your dreams in the big house.

Okay, that's it for today, just thought you might enjoy a laugh.
Stella
p.s. GO HILLARY ALL THE WAY BACK TO 1600 PENSYLVANIA AVENUE

NO DAY AT THE BEACH

2008-04-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the other day I decided to take a trip to the beach. I live in St. Petersburg, Florida and the beach is just a hop, skip and a jump away and the more sun I get, the less make-up I have to wear and that makes life easier. I take the back roads because they're faster and less traveled but one cop had to be out there. I got pulled over and was asked for my license and registration. Well, there was one problem, I had the one made for me and I was dressed like Mikey. (It's just easier going to the beach, I'm sure that you understand. ) Right away he started getting hot under the collar, shame too because he was about 6'4", broad shoulders, small waist and blonde hair and blue eyes. Just my type. He said that the picture wasn't me and I assured him that it was only I had a lot more hair and make-up on at the time. Next he asked if I had been drinking and I said yes, diet Coke, see all of the empty cans on the floorboard. As he was looking he saw my 2 compartment medicine case marked am and pm and wanted to know what was in the case. I showed him that it was just my Xanax and Hydromorphone. He wanted to know if I just took one in the day time and the other at night. I told him no and he asked about the am/pm markings. I explained that one was for anger management and the other was for pain management. That was when he opened the door and told me to step out of the car.

He stood about 15 feet away from me and told me to walk straight towards him touching my nose with my index fingers one at a time. Well, I told him that I couldn't even think straight to begin with and in order to do as he instructed I needed a pair of pumps and he would have to put my BARBARA cd up loud. "So, are you trying to tell me that you are a drag queen?" He asked.
"I am a female illusionist," I corrected.
"Can you prove that?" He asked.
And I told him, "It would require you getting naked in the back seat of my car and be forewarned that from that point on the only donut that you will be interested in will be the one that you sit on."

I didn't make it to the beach that day or any day since, however, the big guy in blue and I have been seeing each other since. He's no Luke Perry or even a good substitute that can keep me on the phone for hours, but that long arm of the law is something that you have to experience first hand to really appreciate it.
Stella

ARE YOU LUKE PERRY???

2008-03-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

Ever since I mentioned thinking about all of the things that I would like to do to Luke Perry's body I keep getting phone calls of all hours of the day and night from someone claiming to be Luke. He wants me to tell him all of the things that I want to do to his body. It can't be him, his voice has a nasal quality to it, unless of course he's now Clariton Clear. That would be a sell out and I don't think that he would want to change. Unless it was for me of course.

But this guy is really becoming a nuisance, keeping me on the phone for hours at a time. Okay, I'll admit that I like the phone sex thing, you don't have to get all dressed up or even take a shower for that. So I just pretend that it really is him and I tell him all of the things that I want to do to him or have him to do to me. Just kinky stuff, nothing perverted. In case you don't know the difference, kinky is when you use a feather and perverted is when you use the whole chicken. Stella is a southern gal and knows how to properly fry up a chicken. I ain't no Aunt Bea but then again, she can't do all of the things that I know how to do so we're even.

If you don't see anything posted here for awhile you will know that I am either out with Luke or the make believe Luke. I had also had a thing for David Duchovny for awhile and entertained thoughts of snagging him but I saw his wife in a movie and I might have to fight her for him. But since she looks too tough I decided to let him go.

Red heads are fickle, that's a known fact, so check in later and see who I am stalking currently or for more news on the Luke project, LOL.

Stella

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE

2008-03-23T04:13:00.000-07:00

Well it's that time of year again, the time when people ask "WHY DOES THE EASTER BUNNY HIDE HIS EGGS?" And Stella is here to give you the dirt. Its because he is screwing a chicken. I know, some of you are saying, "Stella, no, that can't be." But yes it's true, a very well kept secret until now, hell even the ones who make it past the egg stage are called "PEEPS".

My days of getting out there with the ankle biting rug rats are over. No more candy covered sticky fingers around my house. I don't do egg rolls (unless they come from the Chinese carry-out) and won't stoop for egg hunts. Actually, now that my girth has caught up with my age I don't stoop for anything anymore. Nope, when Easter comes along I go out and stock up on eggs and make more eggnog, lots and lots of eggnog. I use the one dozen egg/one gallon of rum recipe.

Then draw the drapes, lock all of the doors and put on my Perry Como records while I read the expose of Clark and Lois by Perry White and dream about all of the things I want to do to Luke Perry's body. Like he could keep up with me. Just because he was on OZ for awhile, doesn't mean he can keep up with the likes of me but I would be willing to give him a try. Just in case any of you out there know him, feel free to pass on the message.

So enjoy your day with the family, eat your green ham and colored eggs and think of me sitting in the living room in my lounger and wearing my Easter bonnet and getting snookered on eggnog.

Love, if you need it,
Stella

2008-01-28T17:49:00.000-08:00

Well it has been a while, but I'm back. Got one real big problem though Mikey has decided to stay the hell out of the democratic race and he is too smart and too young to try and be a republican (besides which, he has all of his faculties about him, they don't seem to). I'm still a beg fan of Hillary but I'm not a lesbian, I want a man. Not to imply that Hillary is, I don't believe that for one minute. But I think that she is our best chance for a future that we can all live in.
Tonight it the last chance for num-nuts to deliver a state of the union address, wonder just how he will screw it up.

That John Edwards is certainly a hottie, but then again he is married too. What is an old drag queen to do? Start checking out the sons? Don't know if I could handle them younguns or not but I will sure give it the old college try. And I don't dare lay an eye on Obama, I would have to fight his wife and Oprah and that is just a little too much.

Not much to tell right now but I will be back when the battle for the White House heats up in February. And listen to an old broad, no matter who you vote for remember to vote. You don't know how much longer we will be able to so.
Stella

PUBLISH OR NOT TO PUBLISH

2007-04-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

Hello Gang, Yeah, been away for awhile, trying to make some money for Mikey's campaign and I am going broke buying new knee pads (and having so much fun that I forget to collect). So, I got to thinking, maybe I should publish my life story, and names, dates and places. Or, if the price is right (and this is fund raising, not blackmail here), I might forget to put you in there. Does that work for everyone? And if you live on this planet, chances are we have met, or know some of the same people, and you know how queens kiss and tell, so lets get those donations rolling in.
Thank you Mr. Bailey for you comment and interest. And by the way, I love your Irish Cream, who knew you were Irish. LOL But I can't find you to thank you personally. (ROF) You can reach Mikey at theauthormike@yahoo.com, he works as my agent. Then there is my girl, Hillery, boy is she talking like she has a pair swinging. You go girl, Mikey will always be here for me or actually both of us if you think you can handle it. Keep going, the debates between you and Mikey are sure going to be something to watch. I will be hosting Missy Dorothy here soon and you sure don't want to miss that (She asked for it, and I am known for my generosity.) LOL
Stella

THINKING ABOUT MY FUTURE

2007-04-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Adoring Fans; Been out of the loop taking care of Mikey for awhile, he has been under the weather lately. And this got me to thinking, yes there is a brain under this redneck red hair. What if he decides to drop out of the race and throw his support to someone else? I don't get to be first lady and that is not sitting well with me. The only candidate I would even think of shacking up with is John Edwards and he is married. Then it dawned on me, Hillery is going to need a first lady. I can't piture Bill Jeff in a dress, unless he was trying to get into mine and I would help him.

Rumor has it that Hillery might actually be playing for our team and that would mean she wouldn't require sex from me and that would just about be great. But I will have to insist on picking my own secret service guys (and believe me, there will be some secrets to tell). I really want Mikey to see this thing all the way thru, but just in case. Any thoughts on the subject?
Stella

STELLA IS ENGAGED, RING AND ALL

2007-04-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
I have a special announcement to make. I am engaged! I have kept the fact that I have been seeing someone for awhile a secret but tonight he popped the question. He asked that I also not reveal his name at this time until he can tie up some loose ends. What I can tell you is that he has made several movies and you would recognize not only his name but also his face (you have probably also seen his ass in a couple of movies and one quick privates shot, although it does not do him justice). He is married but his wife just agreed to a divorce. She and I have met on several occasions but she doesn't know about us.

Also, he is going to produce, direct and star in a movie version of one of my short stories and will only do so if I agree to appear in the movie with him. Within three months, I will be relocating to his ranch in Texas and working with screen writers to make sure that my story will not get lost in the movie version. I know that you will all be happy for me.

Mikey/Stella
p.s. You do know what today is, RIGHT.

Stella's Profile

2007-03-20T15:21:00.000-07:00

Mikey said that I needed to post a profile, but I told him I look best head on. That wasn't what he meant. (These authors are sure pushy people.) So here goes nothing. Stella was the first of 22 children born to the Dallas Family and the only girl. Do you have any idea at all how hard it was to keep my "whoo whoo" in tact with 21 brothers chasing you? My father was a coal miner but there wasn't a lot of that kind of work in Florida so he became an alligator wrestler and he practiced on mama. She liked the belly rubbing thing but she put up a better fight than the alligators, after my baby brother was born anyway. I joined the church choir and they said I had a powerful voice and asked me to sing solo, so low that the others could be heard. I do believe that was the beginning of my lip sync career. During high school, I made the football team, the soccer team and the softball team. Those boys wore me out. I married for the first time at age 16 to the town mayor. It lasted one night and he died the next day. A month later I married the new mayor with the same results. After 17 one night marriages, I decide to stay single (I just don't look that good covered in black). They all left me money, I may have been young but I knew what a prenup was. To this day many (evil people) still refer to me as the black widow.

My stage career started in Washington, D.C., on a dare. But once I saw everyone giving me the clap on stage, well I knew this is what I was born to do. The men went wild and of course the women hated me for my looks and charm. If they think it is hard for them to be women, they should spend a night in my world. I have to re-arrange the plumming before I can do anything and then have to be able to sit on IT. And forget about trying to take a pee without help. I tried once with those nails and was pissing in six different directions. And I think drag queens are the only people that still wear stockings. The wig is like wearing a sauna cap. Can you do a cartwheel in pumps? I can. And when I do a split I don't stick to the floor from the suction.

I have been approached by the current administration, although I can't say who without killing you afterwards, to go to Guontonamo Bay to take over the question the prisoners. And as much fun as that sounds, and trust me I could get them to talk, Mikey needs me to help him with this election.

I hope that is enough information, without bein too much, but if you have any questions, please leave them in the comments section and I will answer them here. I have had some questions about my famous knee pads and have though of having some made that say Mikey for President, but you would only be able to read them while I am standing. And those quarters are starting to add up. Just went over the $100.00 thanks to that nice reverend that stops by from time to time.

Love y'all,
Stella, Future First Lady

WELL, AT LEAST IN ST. PETERSBURG, FL, WE HAVE THE IRISH VOTE

2007-03-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

Mikey doesn't like to go out drinking on St. Patrick's day/night, he calls it amatuer drinking. So, I put on my Colleen the Irish maid outfit, with the Shamrock shaped knee pads (I have them for every occasion) and I set out for the bars. When you drink Irish coffee it does crazy things to your body, caffeine and booze don't mix. But it kept me up all night (so to speak) and we sang Irish songs by the piano at one bar (actually I was under the piano) then I hit some of the other bars around town. Lesbians were falling in love with me, and I had the leather men on their knees praying to be wipped. (Who knew that could be so much fun?) And then there were the preppy bars. They were not sure what to make of Miss Stella, but I managed to convince them that Mikey was the best candidate out there. One person, a very inteligent man I must admit, said that if Bill Clinton had met me instead of Hillery and or Monica, he would still be president. It is hard to argue with that kind of logic.

April Fools day is just around the corner and I have been making a list of tricks. But Mikey says that you are suposed to pull pranks, not tricks. No wonder he sleeps alone. I have a couple of shout outs to do here. Jen, bring Ker up to date, this date, and let him really take a walk on the wild side. Don't let him go to Dorothy, he would kill her, he needs a real wild woman, someone like Stella that can teach him a few new tricks. And Sandy, about those bookings? Not to worry, I will give Nigel back when I am finished with him, and his brother. And I can do a little mind control on my own so you need not worry for my sake. I also keep a bottle of garlic powder in my purse. Babs, June is not that far away and we need to help the Grads and the Dads celibraite and drum up some more votes for Mikey. Are you down for that girl. Gussy up and bring the firewater.
Love you all,
Stella
p.s. Grandma Jeni, you are being awfully quiet these days, what is up with that, Don't let Stella scare you off, I will be going back to DC soon.

WHY WOULD ST. PATRICK CHASE THE SNAKES AWAY?

2007-03-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

Those poor snakes, especially the one eyed variety, driven out of Ireland. Thankfully, many of these found their way to the USA and Florida especially. Stella likes the Irish boys (18+ so they can vote). Got some comments and questions to discuss. Katie (must be Irish), sorry that I haven't had the chance to read you story line yet, but as for me, I never found myself in a situation that I couldn't blow my way out of. Not that I really tried, mind you and the real reason tha shaws were invented was to keep the knees dry and comfortable. And while I'm not quite sure what you mean by too far or too much, well there are some things that you just can't have too much of, chocolate, money and men come to mind right away. And I will let a man know if he tries too far (at that particular moment). Hope that helped.

Jen, Be nice to Dorothy. I have gotten to know her better with our plans to go cross country together. Turns out we like different kinds of guys so we are cool. And if she wants that old Irish Duke, I say go for it. He is kinda hot, but actually a little old for me. I don't understand why Lorcan is his second, I would make him my first (lol). And it is not that you are really a bad influence on Mikey, but it seems that he just doesn't want to go out of the house and chasing the men like he used to do. Once upon a time he has so many notches on his belt that he had to get a new one. Men used to chase him like he had money falling out of his pockets. Good looking men. Now all he wants to do is write. The story of his life will have to wait though, mine comes first. Then I will write my memories of my days (and nights) as the first lady. Stella

SAINT PATRICK'S EVE (THE DATE, NOT ME)

2007-03-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

Okay for today's blog I have some special comments and questions. First off, I have been checking out this Sky person on Mikey's blog and he seemed kind of nice, a little far out but that never stopped me. Young enough to still be trained, and old enough to appreciate and old broad such as myself. Now I hear that he has been cheating on me before we even got to know each other, and with his wife no less. Pregnant ! Well sorry Charlie, no one is going to call me "Mommie Queerest". And with this writers group, what is going on there? Mikey was always the sweetest and queerest guy I wanted to know. Now he is hanging around with a bunch of straight women? Wanting to learn how to quilt and do bead work? What are you doing to my boy? He used ot be one of the best game hunters out there, nothing and no one got away from him once he set his mind. Now all he wants to do is sit around writing or talking on the phone with you gals.

Mikey and I are coming to bouts over a few things, I want to make "Girls Just Want to have Fun" the new national anthem but he says no. He likes the motto for the Writers Party "If you will right them they will vote. That sounds a little lame to me. I was thinking "Vote or I write the real story with the real names, dates and pictures". They can't all run into rehab. I also suggested Fox Mulder for vice president. He wants to believe and I think that Mikey could be the one and only one to convince him? Any thoughts? Who would you like to see run on the ticket with Mikey? Don't just read and run, help us out here.
Love you all, (no more that three at a time thought)
Stella

PICKING A PARTY

2007-03-15T11:35:00.000-07:00

Mikey left me a note telling me that we have to pick a party affiliation and he wants to something different than the usual Democratic, Republican and Independent Parties. Well hell, I'm up for almost anykind of party as long as there are a lot of hot men there. But then I figured out what he ment (boring). He says that he is thinking of starting "THE WRITERS PARTY" and now we just need some slogans to go along with it and he asks that you give him any ideas that you might have. Okay, think about it because all I can think about is my inaugural ball gown. Mr. President here says that red is only for bullfighters and whores. I am sure that there is a point there that I am missing. And shoes, Omar might be able to make the gown, but where the hell am I going to get shoes? The feet we share swell up like crazy. Mikey says that keeping my legs in the air will bring the swelling down, like I didn't know that, but what about my feet? I guess I could pack them in ice.

I have been thinking about the rose garden. Can't we just have flowers delivered and plant vegetables out there? That would be great and we could feed the poor when they come to visit the White (I mean Lavender) House tours. Do they make bib overalls in red I wonder. And a big straw hat. Mikey and I haven't discussed that much, but he was trying to 86 it from my agenda. And some chicken coops so that we could have fresh eggs every morning, some hogs so that the bacon and sausage would be fresh. Mikey is a really great cook, some of you have heard him talk about that and for sure, he didn't get that fat by accident.

Get thinking about a slogan for his Writers Party and let me know and I will pass them on to him when he wakes up from his headaches. Stella, future First Lady

RAISING CAMPAIGN FUNDS

2007-03-13T10:53:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all, I disappeared for a couple of days but I am back now. Mikey is taking this run for president serious so I thought I would start building up the war chest for him. After he went to sleep Saturday night, I threw on some hot pants, the fish net stockings and a tube top and took it to the streets hitting the campaign trail. Okay, it was just the trails but you have to start some where right. I won a lot of votes for him and in just three days I raised $75.25. Mikey laughed and wanted to know who gave me a quarter and I told him everyone. At that hour (s) of night it was just the common man on the street and there was a lot of competition that I had to beat out, literally. Somehow I lost my best pair of knee pads, the ones with the silver buttons on them. Now he wants to get some campaign buttons to pass out but I am sure that my married customers, I meant to say voters, might not be able to wear them. My girlfriend Sandy L is trying to get me some bookings into a hotel where she knows the owners and if I can get to someone in immigration, I can get Kiernan his citizenship and take him along with me on the road. Mikey will like him too. But the broad stays where and when she is (Sorry Jen).

I ran into this old broad who calls herself a BOOMER CHICK and we might hook up in her RV and go across country together (she is nice enough without being much competition, but then she could handle the old guys that just want to sit around and talk about the Beatles). I wonder is Cher is available. Emails keep coming in from and Indian Squaw up in Montana who wants me to stop by and visit with her for a couple of days. She sounds nice enough but Stella doesn't sleep on the ground in a tepee. (How do they hook up a dsl in one of those things?) But she does have good taste in FIREWATER though.

Then there is this other Grannie, Sandy K who has been under the weather (I can relate, it is a bitch trying to carry one of those beach umbrellas for two, but it is the only way to have two hands free while I am.....winning over votes) Then I found out that she actually was sick, not sick like me. Sorry Girl. Yeah, Mikey and I will be up there for the scooter 500 if you can get me one that my big ass will fit on. LOL Now I can rest up for this weekend (Gotta get out and get the Irish vote. What did I do with that ermarald green satin number)

Love to you all, Mikey for President/Stella for First Lady

Mikey for President, Stella for First Lady

2007-03-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, Mikey and I have been talking (yes, it is possible in the wonderful world of schizophrenia), and he has decided to put out feelers, no not that kind, for a possible run for the White House (which he wants to paint lavender and have the Rainbow Flag flying under the American flag). What the hell, everyone else seems to be running and he couldn't possibly do any worse than W. In fact, he has been making a lot of sense (and that is just not like him as those who know and love him already know). His goals are not that far fetched, like whirled peas I think that is what he said but I did have a few cocktails and it might have been world peace. Whatever! So long as I get to be the First Lady or should I say, the First Queen (openly that is). Trust me when I tell you that the parties at the White (?) House will never be the same. He can handle the politics, honestly they bore me, but the parties are mine. I have already started planning and the guest list is going to be a gas. Elton may be the queen of England, but he ain't seen nothing yet.

Meanwhile, he is trying to pick out his cabinet (like there aren't enough cabinets in that place). They will all be there. His wish list includes: Rosey O'Donnell as his Home Land Security Secretary; Ellen DeGenerous as his Secretary of Defense (I wouln't want to get in her way, would you?); Secretary of the Treasury would have to be Oprah Winfrey, she keeps giving money away and is still richer than rich and the list just goes on. I would much rather go back to planning the parties. Red dresses in every shade and black pumps to die for. At his request, the furs will be fake but they better look real. This could be a fun next couple of years. Personally, I can't wait to hit the campaign trail, New York; San Francisco; Miami; Dallas; Los Angeles and Atlanta, get ready, Mike and Stella are on their way.

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

2007-03-06T11:33:00.000-08:00

I am Stella. And it is about time that I got to come out and tell my own story. Oh yeah, others have talked about me and tried to tell my story for me, but only I know the real dirt and as long as you want to read, I will tell all. The names will have to be changed, but you know who you are and the fun we had. My host thought it would be fun to invent me and that it was going to be a one time thing. Well I showed him how much fun the two of us, in one body, could have and he was hooked. There were times when he wanted to deny my, but I was very strong even from the start, and would not go back into my closet. Fair is fair, he came out of his, why should I stay in mine? His popularity within the Gay and Lesbian community grew as I came out, and so did mine. And now he is getting old while I am ageless, men will always adore me and I do believe that he is jealous, again. For a time he kept me locked away, but his mind is slipping now and I get to sneak out now and again. All those years of wearing high heeled shoes, wigs and girdles and tons of make-up can make a woman get a little mad, and some of us take that to heart. So I will share my feelings and stories about alllllllllll of those men with you, but remember to take your heart pills and get ready for the ride of your life.
Stella