Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Stella's Profile

Mikey said that I needed to post a profile, but I told him I look best head on. That wasn't what he meant. (These authors are sure pushy people.) So here goes nothing. Stella was the first of 22 children born to the Dallas Family and the only girl. Do you have any idea at all how hard it was to keep my "whoo whoo" in tact with 21 brothers chasing you? My father was a coal miner but there wasn't a lot of that kind of work in Florida so he became an alligator wrestler and he practiced on mama. She liked the belly rubbing thing but she put up a better fight than the alligators, after my baby brother was born anyway. I joined the church choir and they said I had a powerful voice and asked me to sing solo, so low that the others could be heard. I do believe that was the beginning of my lip sync career. During high school, I made the football team, the soccer team and the softball team. Those boys wore me out. I married for the first time at age 16 to the town mayor. It lasted one night and he died the next day. A month later I married the new mayor with the same results. After 17 one night marriages, I decide to stay single (I just don't look that good covered in black). They all left me money, I may have been young but I knew what a prenup was. To this day many (evil people) still refer to me as the black widow.

My stage career started in Washington, D.C., on a dare. But once I saw everyone giving me the clap on stage, well I knew this is what I was born to do. The men went wild and of course the women hated me for my looks and charm. If they think it is hard for them to be women, they should spend a night in my world. I have to re-arrange the plumming before I can do anything and then have to be able to sit on IT. And forget about trying to take a pee without help. I tried once with those nails and was pissing in six different directions. And I think drag queens are the only people that still wear stockings. The wig is like wearing a sauna cap. Can you do a cartwheel in pumps? I can. And when I do a split I don't stick to the floor from the suction.

I have been approached by the current administration, although I can't say who without killing you afterwards, to go to Guontonamo Bay to take over the question the prisoners. And as much fun as that sounds, and trust me I could get them to talk, Mikey needs me to help him with this election.

I hope that is enough information, without bein too much, but if you have any questions, please leave them in the comments section and I will answer them here. I have had some questions about my famous knee pads and have though of having some made that say Mikey for President, but you would only be able to read them while I am standing. And those quarters are starting to add up. Just went over the $100.00 thanks to that nice reverend that stops by from time to time.

Love y'all,
Stella, Future First Lady

Sunday, March 18, 2007


Mikey doesn't like to go out drinking on St. Patrick's day/night, he calls it amatuer drinking. So, I put on my Colleen the Irish maid outfit, with the Shamrock shaped knee pads (I have them for every occasion) and I set out for the bars. When you drink Irish coffee it does crazy things to your body, caffeine and booze don't mix. But it kept me up all night (so to speak) and we sang Irish songs by the piano at one bar (actually I was under the piano) then I hit some of the other bars around town. Lesbians were falling in love with me, and I had the leather men on their knees praying to be wipped. (Who knew that could be so much fun?) And then there were the preppy bars. They were not sure what to make of Miss Stella, but I managed to convince them that Mikey was the best candidate out there. One person, a very inteligent man I must admit, said that if Bill Clinton had met me instead of Hillery and or Monica, he would still be president. It is hard to argue with that kind of logic.

April Fools day is just around the corner and I have been making a list of tricks. But Mikey says that you are suposed to pull pranks, not tricks. No wonder he sleeps alone. I have a couple of shout outs to do here. Jen, bring Ker up to date, this date, and let him really take a walk on the wild side. Don't let him go to Dorothy, he would kill her, he needs a real wild woman, someone like Stella that can teach him a few new tricks. And Sandy, about those bookings? Not to worry, I will give Nigel back when I am finished with him, and his brother. And I can do a little mind control on my own so you need not worry for my sake. I also keep a bottle of garlic powder in my purse. Babs, June is not that far away and we need to help the Grads and the Dads celibraite and drum up some more votes for Mikey. Are you down for that girl. Gussy up and bring the firewater.
Love you all,
p.s. Grandma Jeni, you are being awfully quiet these days, what is up with that, Don't let Stella scare you off, I will be going back to DC soon.

Saturday, March 17, 2007


Those poor snakes, especially the one eyed variety, driven out of Ireland. Thankfully, many of these found their way to the USA and Florida especially. Stella likes the Irish boys (18+ so they can vote). Got some comments and questions to discuss. Katie (must be Irish), sorry that I haven't had the chance to read you story line yet, but as for me, I never found myself in a situation that I couldn't blow my way out of. Not that I really tried, mind you and the real reason tha shaws were invented was to keep the knees dry and comfortable. And while I'm not quite sure what you mean by too far or too much, well there are some things that you just can't have too much of, chocolate, money and men come to mind right away. And I will let a man know if he tries too far (at that particular moment). Hope that helped.

Jen, Be nice to Dorothy. I have gotten to know her better with our plans to go cross country together. Turns out we like different kinds of guys so we are cool. And if she wants that old Irish Duke, I say go for it. He is kinda hot, but actually a little old for me. I don't understand why Lorcan is his second, I would make him my first (lol). And it is not that you are really a bad influence on Mikey, but it seems that he just doesn't want to go out of the house and chasing the men like he used to do. Once upon a time he has so many notches on his belt that he had to get a new one. Men used to chase him like he had money falling out of his pockets. Good looking men. Now all he wants to do is write. The story of his life will have to wait though, mine comes first. Then I will write my memories of my days (and nights) as the first lady. Stella

Friday, March 16, 2007


Okay for today's blog I have some special comments and questions. First off, I have been checking out this Sky person on Mikey's blog and he seemed kind of nice, a little far out but that never stopped me. Young enough to still be trained, and old enough to appreciate and old broad such as myself. Now I hear that he has been cheating on me before we even got to know each other, and with his wife no less. Pregnant ! Well sorry Charlie, no one is going to call me "Mommie Queerest". And with this writers group, what is going on there? Mikey was always the sweetest and queerest guy I wanted to know. Now he is hanging around with a bunch of straight women? Wanting to learn how to quilt and do bead work? What are you doing to my boy? He used ot be one of the best game hunters out there, nothing and no one got away from him once he set his mind. Now all he wants to do is sit around writing or talking on the phone with you gals.

Mikey and I are coming to bouts over a few things, I want to make "Girls Just Want to have Fun" the new national anthem but he says no. He likes the motto for the Writers Party "If you will right them they will vote. That sounds a little lame to me. I was thinking "Vote or I write the real story with the real names, dates and pictures". They can't all run into rehab. I also suggested Fox Mulder for vice president. He wants to believe and I think that Mikey could be the one and only one to convince him? Any thoughts? Who would you like to see run on the ticket with Mikey? Don't just read and run, help us out here.
Love you all, (no more that three at a time thought)

Thursday, March 15, 2007


Mikey left me a note telling me that we have to pick a party affiliation and he wants to something different than the usual Democratic, Republican and Independent Parties. Well hell, I'm up for almost anykind of party as long as there are a lot of hot men there. But then I figured out what he ment (boring). He says that he is thinking of starting "THE WRITERS PARTY" and now we just need some slogans to go along with it and he asks that you give him any ideas that you might have. Okay, think about it because all I can think about is my inaugural ball gown. Mr. President here says that red is only for bullfighters and whores. I am sure that there is a point there that I am missing. And shoes, Omar might be able to make the gown, but where the hell am I going to get shoes? The feet we share swell up like crazy. Mikey says that keeping my legs in the air will bring the swelling down, like I didn't know that, but what about my feet? I guess I could pack them in ice.

I have been thinking about the rose garden. Can't we just have flowers delivered and plant vegetables out there? That would be great and we could feed the poor when they come to visit the White (I mean Lavender) House tours. Do they make bib overalls in red I wonder. And a big straw hat. Mikey and I haven't discussed that much, but he was trying to 86 it from my agenda. And some chicken coops so that we could have fresh eggs every morning, some hogs so that the bacon and sausage would be fresh. Mikey is a really great cook, some of you have heard him talk about that and for sure, he didn't get that fat by accident.

Get thinking about a slogan for his Writers Party and let me know and I will pass them on to him when he wakes up from his headaches. Stella, future First Lady

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Hey Y'all, I disappeared for a couple of days but I am back now. Mikey is taking this run for president serious so I thought I would start building up the war chest for him. After he went to sleep Saturday night, I threw on some hot pants, the fish net stockings and a tube top and took it to the streets hitting the campaign trail. Okay, it was just the trails but you have to start some where right. I won a lot of votes for him and in just three days I raised $75.25. Mikey laughed and wanted to know who gave me a quarter and I told him everyone. At that hour (s) of night it was just the common man on the street and there was a lot of competition that I had to beat out, literally. Somehow I lost my best pair of knee pads, the ones with the silver buttons on them. Now he wants to get some campaign buttons to pass out but I am sure that my married customers, I meant to say voters, might not be able to wear them. My girlfriend Sandy L is trying to get me some bookings into a hotel where she knows the owners and if I can get to someone in immigration, I can get Kiernan his citizenship and take him along with me on the road. Mikey will like him too. But the broad stays where and when she is (Sorry Jen).

I ran into this old broad who calls herself a BOOMER CHICK and we might hook up in her RV and go across country together (she is nice enough without being much competition, but then she could handle the old guys that just want to sit around and talk about the Beatles). I wonder is Cher is available. Emails keep coming in from and Indian Squaw up in Montana who wants me to stop by and visit with her for a couple of days. She sounds nice enough but Stella doesn't sleep on the ground in a tepee. (How do they hook up a dsl in one of those things?) But she does have good taste in FIREWATER though.

Then there is this other Grannie, Sandy K who has been under the weather (I can relate, it is a bitch trying to carry one of those beach umbrellas for two, but it is the only way to have two hands free while I am.....winning over votes) Then I found out that she actually was sick, not sick like me. Sorry Girl. Yeah, Mikey and I will be up there for the scooter 500 if you can get me one that my big ass will fit on. LOL Now I can rest up for this weekend (Gotta get out and get the Irish vote. What did I do with that ermarald green satin number)

Love to you all, Mikey for President/Stella for First Lady

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Mikey for President, Stella for First Lady

Okay, Mikey and I have been talking (yes, it is possible in the wonderful world of schizophrenia), and he has decided to put out feelers, no not that kind, for a possible run for the White House (which he wants to paint lavender and have the Rainbow Flag flying under the American flag). What the hell, everyone else seems to be running and he couldn't possibly do any worse than W. In fact, he has been making a lot of sense (and that is just not like him as those who know and love him already know). His goals are not that far fetched, like whirled peas I think that is what he said but I did have a few cocktails and it might have been world peace. Whatever! So long as I get to be the First Lady or should I say, the First Queen (openly that is). Trust me when I tell you that the parties at the White (?) House will never be the same. He can handle the politics, honestly they bore me, but the parties are mine. I have already started planning and the guest list is going to be a gas. Elton may be the queen of England, but he ain't seen nothing yet.

Meanwhile, he is trying to pick out his cabinet (like there aren't enough cabinets in that place). They will all be there. His wish list includes: Rosey O'Donnell as his Home Land Security Secretary; Ellen DeGenerous as his Secretary of Defense (I wouln't want to get in her way, would you?); Secretary of the Treasury would have to be Oprah Winfrey, she keeps giving money away and is still richer than rich and the list just goes on. I would much rather go back to planning the parties. Red dresses in every shade and black pumps to die for. At his request, the furs will be fake but they better look real. This could be a fun next couple of years. Personally, I can't wait to hit the campaign trail, New York; San Francisco; Miami; Dallas; Los Angeles and Atlanta, get ready, Mike and Stella are on their way.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007


I am Stella. And it is about time that I got to come out and tell my own story. Oh yeah, others have talked about me and tried to tell my story for me, but only I know the real dirt and as long as you want to read, I will tell all. The names will have to be changed, but you know who you are and the fun we had. My host thought it would be fun to invent me and that it was going to be a one time thing. Well I showed him how much fun the two of us, in one body, could have and he was hooked. There were times when he wanted to deny my, but I was very strong even from the start, and would not go back into my closet. Fair is fair, he came out of his, why should I stay in mine? His popularity within the Gay and Lesbian community grew as I came out, and so did mine. And now he is getting old while I am ageless, men will always adore me and I do believe that he is jealous, again. For a time he kept me locked away, but his mind is slipping now and I get to sneak out now and again. All those years of wearing high heeled shoes, wigs and girdles and tons of make-up can make a woman get a little mad, and some of us take that to heart. So I will share my feelings and stories about alllllllllll of those men with you, but remember to take your heart pills and get ready for the ride of your life.