SHOULD I RUN FOR PRESIDENT??????

During the last election I was going to support Mikey's bid for president but all he did was mess around with the secret service and Obama won. But now I'm thinking that it might be Stella's turn for several reasons. First off if Palin and Bachman have done it how hard could it possibly be? Plus there are all of those hot guys out there on the campaign trail. My heart will always belong to Luke Perry but that cowboy Perry looks like he might be a fun ride, if he can hold on for the whole ride, LOL. And I don't actually expect to win but Palin taught me that I could buy lots of new clothes with the campaign funding and shoes and bags of course. Plus, at the end of it all I can get some sweet book deals, hell even the witch who isn't a witch is out there now plugging her book (Christine O'Donnell-really, that nitwit can write??)

Of course I will have to help Mikey get his books published too so he doesn't come out with a tell all book. Not worried about my reputation mind you, but I would miss all of those blackmail payments that show up in the mail each month. SO, I'm thinking.........

A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE WITH STELLA DALLAS

Well Dear Fans, I have to tell you that the slacker who promised NANO that he would write 50,000 words during the month of November and only wound up with 20,022. He has promised that he will continue to write until his novel about me is in pristine shape and that he will be able to tell the world about me and make tons of money for the two of us. Question? Is 1% actually a good thing for me? He assures me that it is fair since all I have to do is talk about myself and I love doing that so maybe he's right. But I need some new clothes and it cost money to cover this lovely body of mine. Working the streets with sequined knee pads isn't cheap and it's depleting my income but then again they do get me noticed on the streets. Do you have any idea at all how uncomfortable they are to kneel in, it was bad enough having to sit on them. Any way, he says that he was sick and what with the holidays coming up he may not get back to the book until after them. This coming from a person who says his favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" doesn't really sound like he has the spirit. But he did get a good start on the book, lordy did he ask a lot of questions. But it was fun dredging up the past and remembering all of the fun things I have been accused of doing, LOL.
Stella

FOUND A NEW WAY TO GET DATES

This won't work until after the elections are finalized but it might bring in a whole new batch of suitors for the old girl. I figure I will get dressed up in my finest rags and head out to the bars and just casually mention to the bartender (and those close enough to over hear) that I have two tickets to the inaugural balls in Washington, D.C. plus free round trip airfare and hotel accommodations. The line forms to the right. I mean who wouldn't want to join me for a trip like that. No, I don't really have all of those thing mentioned above but by the time they realize that I will be too tired to care and they will be also. Stella has hit a dry spell and needs the attention of gentlemen callers of the quality type.

If you are thinking that I'm being unfair and a bitch...Okay, you're right but is it any worse than the lies that are told in bars everywhere every night? "Of course I'll respect you in the morning", "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met", "My wife doesn't understand me and I'm going to divorce her and marry you" just to mention a few. Let me assure you, if he is cheating on his wife, he will cheat on you. Just enjoy being spoiled for awhile and don't take life so seriously. And actually 2 out of 3 of my lies can actually come true. We won't be going to Washington, but we can lay up in my bed and watch the affairs on television. But instead of buying a new ball gown I can just buy a new teddy (if they make them for the large Marge type girls that is). So, who's going to be the first to steal my idea?
Stella

NO DAY AT THE BEACH

Okay, so the other day I decided to take a trip to the beach. I live in St. Petersburg, Florida and the beach is just a hop, skip and a jump away and the more sun I get, the less make-up I have to wear and that makes life easier. I take the back roads because they're faster and less traveled but one cop had to be out there. I got pulled over and was asked for my license and registration. Well, there was one problem, I had the one made for me and I was dressed like Mikey. (It's just easier going to the beach, I'm sure that you understand. ) Right away he started getting hot under the collar, shame too because he was about 6'4", broad shoulders, small waist and blonde hair and blue eyes. Just my type. He said that the picture wasn't me and I assured him that it was only I had a lot more hair and make-up on at the time. Next he asked if I had been drinking and I said yes, diet Coke, see all of the empty cans on the floorboard. As he was looking he saw my 2 compartment medicine case marked am and pm and wanted to know what was in the case. I showed him that it was just my Xanax and Hydromorphone. He wanted to know if I just took one in the day time and the other at night. I told him no and he asked about the am/pm markings. I explained that one was for anger management and the other was for pain management. That was when he opened the door and told me to step out of the car.

He stood about 15 feet away from me and told me to walk straight towards him touching my nose with my index fingers one at a time. Well, I told him that I couldn't even think straight to begin with and in order to do as he instructed I needed a pair of pumps and he would have to put my BARBARA cd up loud. "So, are you trying to tell me that you are a drag queen?" He asked.
"I am a female illusionist," I corrected.
"Can you prove that?" He asked.
And I told him, "It would require you getting naked in the back seat of my car and be forewarned that from that point on the only donut that you will be interested in will be the one that you sit on."

I didn't make it to the beach that day or any day since, however, the big guy in blue and I have been seeing each other since. He's no Luke Perry or even a good substitute that can keep me on the phone for hours, but that long arm of the law is something that you have to experience first hand to really appreciate it.
Stella

ARE YOU LUKE PERRY???

Ever since I mentioned thinking about all of the things that I would like to do to Luke Perry's body I keep getting phone calls of all hours of the day and night from someone claiming to be Luke. He wants me to tell him all of the things that I want to do to his body. It can't be him, his voice has a nasal quality to it, unless of course he's now Clariton Clear. That would be a sell out and I don't think that he would want to change. Unless it was for me of course.

But this guy is really becoming a nuisance, keeping me on the phone for hours at a time. Okay, I'll admit that I like the phone sex thing, you don't have to get all dressed up or even take a shower for that. So I just pretend that it really is him and I tell him all of the things that I want to do to him or have him to do to me. Just kinky stuff, nothing perverted. In case you don't know the difference, kinky is when you use a feather and perverted is when you use the whole chicken. Stella is a southern gal and knows how to properly fry up a chicken. I ain't no Aunt Bea but then again, she can't do all of the things that I know how to do so we're even.

If you don't see anything posted here for awhile you will know that I am either out with Luke or the make believe Luke. I had also had a thing for David Duchovny for awhile and entertained thoughts of snagging him but I saw his wife in a movie and I might have to fight her for him. But since she looks too tough I decided to let him go.

Red heads are fickle, that's a known fact, so check in later and see who I am stalking currently or for more news on the Luke project, LOL.

Stella