SHOULD I RUN FOR PRESIDENT??????

During the last election I was going to support Mikey's bid for president but all he did was mess around with the secret service and Obama won. But now I'm thinking that it might be Stella's turn for several reasons. First off if Palin and Bachman have done it how hard could it possibly be? Plus there are all of those hot guys out there on the campaign trail. My heart will always belong to Luke Perry but that cowboy Perry looks like he might be a fun ride, if he can hold on for the whole ride, LOL. And I don't actually expect to win but Palin taught me that I could buy lots of new clothes with the campaign funding and shoes and bags of course. Plus, at the end of it all I can get some sweet book deals, hell even the witch who isn't a witch is out there now plugging her book (Christine O'Donnell-really, that nitwit can write??)

Of course I will have to help Mikey get his books published too so he doesn't come out with a tell all book. Not worried about my reputation mind you, but I would miss all of those blackmail payments that show up in the mail each month. SO, I'm thinking.........

THIS IS ONE FASHION THAT I DON'T LIKE

Anyone who really knows Stella knows that she is an ASS MAN, I mean WOMAN, yeah Woman. This new style of wearing pants sagging is killing me and depriving me of the look of a nice butt here or there. But fear not, I have found a cure and maybe it will work for you also. First you must find a water pistol that looks real and fill it with half water and half vinegar (like you do when you are training a cat). Then walk down the sidewalk and especially watch for the ones holding their pants up with their hands. Squirt them in the face with the solution that will only sting and not hurt them and when their pants fall use your cell phone to snap a picture and email it to all of your friends, including me. Then run like hell. His pants are down so you have a head start. Your heart will be racing and the rush of it all will keep your heart pumping great for a couple of days. Maybe by doing this we can make them start wearing belts and we will have done our job to make America pretty once again. Also, Walmart is a fun place to do this and to collect other fashion sloppy pictures. Squirt them just for the hell of it.
Okay, back to working on my book.
Stella

DREAMING ABOUT LUKE PERRY AGAIN, WHEW

Now that's the kind of dream that you just don't want to wake up from. As I've said before, I don't know if he is gay or not but for the purpose of dreams it doesn't matter. Last night were in that program "Jeremiah" it's one of those apocalyptic shows on the SYFY channel. I went blind but I still knew when he was around because I heard his voice. Having known him before I lost my sight I knew what he looked like so being with him again I could see him in my minds eye. But he wouldn't stop until he found a cure to restore my sight! My hero once again. The shame is that I woke up while thanking him and couldn't get back to sleep. To sleep perchance to...

Sometimes when I dream about him we are a team on several levels, I write movies for him or when he gets scripts from other people I'm there to help beef up his lines to give him a better shot at winning an Oscar. The dreams about him are the best for me, thinking maybe I knew him in another life or something because it sure as hell hasn't happened in this lifetime, yet.

A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE WITH STELLA DALLAS

Well Dear Fans, I have to tell you that the slacker who promised NANO that he would write 50,000 words during the month of November and only wound up with 20,022. He has promised that he will continue to write until his novel about me is in pristine shape and that he will be able to tell the world about me and make tons of money for the two of us. Question? Is 1% actually a good thing for me? He assures me that it is fair since all I have to do is talk about myself and I love doing that so maybe he's right. But I need some new clothes and it cost money to cover this lovely body of mine. Working the streets with sequined knee pads isn't cheap and it's depleting my income but then again they do get me noticed on the streets. Do you have any idea at all how uncomfortable they are to kneel in, it was bad enough having to sit on them. Any way, he says that he was sick and what with the holidays coming up he may not get back to the book until after them. This coming from a person who says his favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" doesn't really sound like he has the spirit. But he did get a good start on the book, lordy did he ask a lot of questions. But it was fun dredging up the past and remembering all of the fun things I have been accused of doing, LOL.
Stella

A BOOK ABOUT ME???

Michael S. Witherspoon is about to embark on a NANO writing project for the month of November and to attempt to write a novel in that month. The fun part is that he has chosen me to be the subject of this book. The interviews are completed and he has gathered lots of information from those who know me (or at least they think that they do) and is just waiting for the first of November to begin. Finally, the world may get to know me, not the total me of course, you have to be married to me to know all that goes on behind closed doors an alas he hasn't popped the question, yet. Perhaps he is just waiting until his book is a success and can afford to keep me in the manner that I have always wanted before asking. He has asked if I could travel with him on a book tour if and when it is published but I don't think he realized just how impossible that could be, but I promised that I would give it some thought.
Love ,
Stella

FOUND A NEW WAY TO GET DATES

This won't work until after the elections are finalized but it might bring in a whole new batch of suitors for the old girl. I figure I will get dressed up in my finest rags and head out to the bars and just casually mention to the bartender (and those close enough to over hear) that I have two tickets to the inaugural balls in Washington, D.C. plus free round trip airfare and hotel accommodations. The line forms to the right. I mean who wouldn't want to join me for a trip like that. No, I don't really have all of those thing mentioned above but by the time they realize that I will be too tired to care and they will be also. Stella has hit a dry spell and needs the attention of gentlemen callers of the quality type.

If you are thinking that I'm being unfair and a bitch...Okay, you're right but is it any worse than the lies that are told in bars everywhere every night? "Of course I'll respect you in the morning", "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met", "My wife doesn't understand me and I'm going to divorce her and marry you" just to mention a few. Let me assure you, if he is cheating on his wife, he will cheat on you. Just enjoy being spoiled for awhile and don't take life so seriously. And actually 2 out of 3 of my lies can actually come true. We won't be going to Washington, but we can lay up in my bed and watch the affairs on television. But instead of buying a new ball gown I can just buy a new teddy (if they make them for the large Marge type girls that is). So, who's going to be the first to steal my idea?
Stella

IDLE TIME

The last thing that you want to give a mad drag queen with a twisted sense of humor is idle time. I know because that's what happened to me yesterday and I went from drug store to drug store and department store to department store and played with all of the cosmetic samples that were on display. I have to tell you, the drug stores were the nicest and many of them knew drag queens so they weren't all that alarmed. But the department stores, especially the high end types were going crazy. All of these old broads, dripping in zircon trying to pass them off as diamonds and working as clerks were having conniption fits. "But you're a man, this if for women." was what I kept hearing. Then I explained that I wanted to get in touch with my feminine side and they were speechless and just let me play. No fun. So I started stopping other customers and asking their opinion. The clerks were contemplating calling security but not sure if they wanted to cause a scene and the customers, mostly women thought that it was cool that a man knew what they had to do to be beautiful and again just let me play while I was drawing a crowd. I got bored and left.